10: Caprious Dreams of Confusion

The average American thinks they are above average. It seems like the less people know about something factually, the more intensely they are involved in the discussion. Men making or trying to make decisions about reproductive rights and birth control. White people volunteering to fix the problems they cause themselves, then arguing so nothing gets done. Broke-ass, uneducated failures casting the first stone and looking down on others. I'm telling you, everyone was told they could be an astronaut or a cowboy when they grew up and when that didn't happen, everyone was pissed off. Except the astronauts.

Although it very rarely feels like it anymore, life is still a series of individual moments. In each and every moment we have a choice: what to say or not say, what to focus on or not. With enough practice it is even possible to get to a point where you can choose what to feel. What's the problem? Other people. The Real World: Earth. That's where the practice part comes in, and practicing mindfulness and patience of thought is the biggest test of a well-adjusted, rational adult. Which is why it sounds like something from another planet.

"When there's blood in the streets, buy property." - Baron Rothschild

I write all this as an introduction to my current location: a radically liberal bubble with no rational counterpoints to be found. Just to be clear, by liberal I do not mean democrat. The focus of my liberal agenda is the U.S. Bill of Rights. As an American, I have an appreciation for how our rights intertwine and interfere with each other. To be well adjusted in America, you have to enjoy the fact that everyone is allowed to say and think whatever they want. You have to enjoy the fact that our society isn't based on fairness or kindness; it is based on competition. We compete with ourselves, each other, and America itself every day. There is a way to live a quiet, calm, Simian life of addressing simple needs and existing on gratitude. When you live in America, you basically have to choose a different route.

And most likely, when given all the freedoms and amenities of being an American, you'll squander it. Once again, there's already a system in place to distract people and maintain the status quo in every area outside of consumerism. Products become the average person's source of new experiences and ideas. It's the only area blossoming creativity is genuinely rewarded; a new idea, once uttered, is instantly commoditized. In some twisted sense of logic, you feel like you're more likely to be rich and successful if you have the best and newest stuff. Our understanding of happiness mutates malignantly; our preferences become wants, our wants become needs, and our needs become the annoying crap we deal with in between getting what we want. We no longer even have preferences and every moment can be a clenched resistance to what is happening around us.

My introduction to this concept, and a huge influence on my spiritual development, was Ken Keyes Jr's Handbook to Higher Consciousness. Keyes talks about working your way toward making everything a preference, approaching everything with patience, and always remembering things are temporary. When you are stuck in traffic and have that hot rush of annoyance, have the patience to consciously think, "I'd prefer that I wasn't in traffic. I'm going to be fine and things could be worse. I will get to where I'm going eventually." It sounds insane because it sounds slow and weak and unAmerican. You play Grand Theft Auto all morning and then you have to sit in traffic with a bunch of losers?

"No, no, no. I never said I was a good driver, I said I was a good parker."

I've been blessed with so many advantages but when it comes to being an American, what the fuck do I know? I was the type of person to think Trump wouldn't be elected for so many reasons, and when the "grab 'em by the pussy" tape came out, I was absolutely certain he was done. When he was elected, I re-evaluated my bubble and realized something: if you're not an average American, you can't understand an average American. And if you are an average American, you probably don't know it. I had a similar bubble crisis when W. was elected the second time but that was fucking nothing compared to Trump getting elected. 

"You know who else thinks I don't have the intelligence to be president? My very own campaign staff!"

It took almost the entirety of his first term, but I found a silver lining in Trump being elected. In the past four years, my bubble has been consistently burst. I get that most people don't think like "we" do. I'm finally wrapping my head around what it means to be an American in America. You can grow up here, have a great childhood, make a bunch of money, become spiritually aware, and then move to the Cambodian jungle and live a life of harmony and peace. More likely, you'll work your fingers to the bone sitting on your ass and only get excited about sequels and cereals now with marshmallows. If you aren't killed in a mass shooting, you'll at least be spiritually buried by the names of others who are. You'll have all the advantages, but the stress and speed of life will, at least partially, negate their value. Life in America is not for everyone, and oh my god is it clear that it isn't for a lot of Americans. It's hereditary. There's an ease to the painful struggle because we're all fucking doing it. It's a beautiful, glimmering trap made of freedom. 

Sorry if this was a little dark; I was sick yesterday and the news is ALL bad out there. I'm glad I have this page so I can express myself, and only myself. I know in my heart I'm approaching all things in life through modesty and gratitude. I believe in a higher power which represents an ideal state of pure being, without judgement or want.

I am happy and well-adjusted because of my incredible family and friends. I love you all and hope you are well during this particularly chaotic time on Dark Planet America.